They say behind Anger is Hurt, and that behind Hurt is Love. So I guess, sick and twistedly, he loves me a lot. Or that’s what a stupid girl might say. I’m a brilliant word smith;
In my opinion, anger is a caveman’s basic, if not only, emotion. The inability, or cowardice, to communicate the way you feel to the other person whom you feel so strongly for.
In short, behind Anger there is an Inability.
The wedding has started. In full swing. Everything is crazy. Everything is nuts. I miss you and I want you to be a part of this family one day. We’ve got the funniest stories to share with each other. I’m constantly laughing and smiling. It’s a feeling I can’t describe but I know it’s something I want badly to share with you one day. Me and you will do this the right way, if there is such a thing. Someone somewhere will always be unhappy & disappointed. It’s not my job to please the entire world but it is my job to please you, make you just as happy as you make me. I think about you constantly. I think you’d love it here. I’d imagine what it’d be like to have you with me. How strange! But I’m sure you’d fall more into place with India than I do.
I’m not going to be online while the weddings going on. I’ll try to call you after the commotion subsides. Just know that I adore you. Always & forever.
2010. I’m too tired and too preoccupied to blog about things that are going on so i figured a simple survey should do.
1) Where did you begin 2010? At my old job, with Jai Ho blasting.
2) What was your status by Valentine’s Day? It’s Complicated on Facebook. Single.
3) Were you in school anytime this year? All of it! =]
4) How did you earn your money? Amber India- Hostessing.
5) Did you have to go to the hospital? Don’t I always. =]
6) Did you have any encounters with the police? Twice. Both times while getting hit on my them.
7) Would you relive 2010 over and over again? Of course!
8) What did you purchase that was over $1000? Macbook Pro.
9) Did you know anybody who got married? Yes. Congratulations.
10) Did you know anybody who passed away? Can’t remember. Indirectly, yes.
11) Did you know anyone who had a baby? Yes, most of them under twenty. Tsk-tsk!
12) Did you move anywhere? Yes. San Diego, the love of my life.
13) What concerts/shows and events did you go to? World of Color is all I can remember. <3
14) Are you registered to vote? Fuck Yes!
15) Do you still have the same job as you did in 2009? Unemployed =/
16) Has anyone betrayed you in 2010? Nope. Fuck that drama.
17) Where do you live now? San Diego <3 i
18) Describe your birthday: Oh Goodness, Please no!
19) What are two things you thought you’d never do but did in 2010? Be in love & get taken off the market. Drive on the freeway (thank you, MJS)
20) What has been your favorite moment? We were in Santa Barbara, drunk on Halloween night. You were passing out in my cousin’s room and I came in to ask you what you were doing sleeping so early! It was just me and you. You gave me this look and held out your hand for me to come closer to you. I got down on the ground and sat there watching you watch me. Something clicked. But I decided against whatever was going on in my mind, got up and walked away. You should have got up and ran behind me but you waited for me to come chase you instead. After that moment, I was never the same…. <3
21) What’s something you learned about yourself? I was taking life for granted. I bitched about stupid things and I need to step back and realize that I live a very blessed life. Today I’ve learned just that. India has changed me.
22) Any new additions to your family? Sloan Harrison, my newphew. One day we’ll see each other, I promise.
23) What was your best month? October is always the best month for me.
24) Were you in a relationship this year? Just started. =]
25) What music will you remember 2010 by?
Already Taken-Trey Songz.
26) Who has been your best drinking buddy/buddies? KRISHNA PATEL! <3
27) New friends? Plenty. I love you.
28) Favorite night out? BrewCo. Oct. 29, 2010
29) Would you say you’ve changed since the beginning of this year? I’ve grown. I’m forever changing even though I’m resistant to this.
30) Do you think 2011 will be better or worse? Better <3 now that I’ve met a bunch of new people, turned 21, and want to stay connected and focused with what I want and need to do in this life.
2010 Is Almost Over, What Have You Done? Everything I’ve wanted to do. Sky diving, falling in love, falling out of love, making mistakes & seeing past them, meeting new people everywhere, staying friends with the oldies but goodies, spending as much time with my family as possible.
Stayed single almost the whole year? Yep.
Done something you’ve regretted? Yep.
Cut class? I’m in college. Of fucking course I cut class. (Answer copied from Teresa, I couldn’t have said it better)
Were involved in something you’ll never forget?
Too many to mention.
Visited a different country? Currently in India.
Cooked a gross meal? nope. i just choose not to cook =D
Lost something important to you? Not that I recall.
Got a gift you adore? yes, disneyland <3
Tripped over a coffee table? I have yet to buy that damn 19.99$ coffee table.
Dyed your hair? I stopped last year in 09.
Came close to losing your life? I believed so when I jumped out of a plane sky diving for fun.
Went to a party?
I try to avoid them =(
Read a great book? I’m a book worm, of course I have.
Saw one of your favorite bands/artists live? Nope.
2010: Friends and Enemies
Did you meet any new friends this year?
Did you dislike anyone? Nope. Don’t have enough effort.
Did you grow apart from anyone? Unfortunately.
Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships? It’s a sad reality.
2010: All About You
Did you change at all this year? We always do.
Did you change your style? It’s in the process.
Were you in school? =]
Did you get good grades? =]
Did you have a job? I miss my job too.
Did you drive? =]
Did anyone close to you give birth? She was close, estranged.
Did you go on any vacations? <3 Always.
Would you change anything about yourself now? Not a chance.
2010: Wrap Up
Was 2010 a good year? Beautiful.
Do you think 2011 will top 2010? If I have anything to do with it, yes!
Your main fandom of the year? Timmy <3 SF GIANTS BABY!
Your favourite film watched this year?
Your favourite album or song to listen to this year? Erase Me- Kid Cudi.
Your favourite TV show of the year? Greys.
Your best new fandom discovery of the year? Michael J. Solis.
Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year? Any Niners Player. Ever!
Your biggest squee moment of the year? BP OIL SPILL =(
The most missed of your old fandoms? Tupac.
Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year? hmmmmm.
2010 you’ve been good to me. I’m blessed for the steps I’ve walked, the hearts I’ve touched, and all those people who I’ve let in and held on to. 2011 will be different, every year it always is. I will officially be 21 in four days. To many people that means a lot, it means something. I’m not sure yet what it means to me. On another note, I’m no longer single and though the miles have separated us temporarily, the coupled life is blissful and a good change for the both of us it seems. I’m glad I’ve made smarter decisions in this year than the years before. I’m glad I’m in love with everything- him, myself, the world, my education, my family, your family, all humans. I love everything this year will bring. Happy January my love. I’ll see you in just a few short weeks.
I hope you liked what came in the mail for you yesterday. I’m very sneaky, nifty, crafty, aren’t i? Kenny was in on it too, kinda. He knew to keep an eye out for a delivery guy but not what it was. I told him you would share so you had better. I’ll make you some when I get back. And too bad I’m half way across the world so you can’t get me back just yet!
I MISS YOU! And wish I could’ve been with you last night and tonight. Not waking up next to you in the morning is probably one of things that I miss the most. Oh and your voice too. But don’t worry I’ll be home soon. And after that point I’m not gonna let you for a second. You should prepare yourself for some smothering.
I can’t wait to tell you all about India when I get back. One day I’m take you here if you behave. I know your FOB ass would be super excited to go.